she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
