I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
