ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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