the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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