maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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