party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
