One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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