I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
