My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
