the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize