Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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