you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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