just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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