you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
