i think my tv is drunk
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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