He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
