I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
