Your face is a jimmy john
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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