I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
