Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
