i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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