Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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