They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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