cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
