erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
