So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
