Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
