We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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