I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
