shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
