do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
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These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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