i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
