your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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