After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
