Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
