come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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