i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
