btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
