just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
