genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i've created a new STD.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
