He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How's work?
Spinning.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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