Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm always down for nudity.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
