Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
