I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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