mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
