remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We need to get me chipped asap
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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