kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
