Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
