yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
