32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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