If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
