in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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