Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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