forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
