Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
