So drunk its hurt
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
