Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My feet surprised me
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