dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
