Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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