Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Randomize
