yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You took a bar mat shot.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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