he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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