end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
