Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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