I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize
