I smell stomach acid.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
